I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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