Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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