dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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