I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
