Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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