On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
