we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
