I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
