u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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