He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When did angry sex become our thing?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
