Apparently you make a good broom.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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