Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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