chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
