Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
