I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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