My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
