Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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