omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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