college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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