Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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