It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
