He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
