even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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