He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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