end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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