this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
50% drunk capacity currently
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
