i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
