dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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