I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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