The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
