i may or may not be watching the land before time
Small penises have feelings too.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
