i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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