the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
where are my eyebrows?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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