what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
