Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
