You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
