i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This is my gift to your gina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
