conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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