his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
