Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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