Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
