the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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