i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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