I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
