Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
