used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
