no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
