i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
