I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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