he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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