Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
