I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
