You're so nebulous sometimes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
