Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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