Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
