sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
