Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
