party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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