Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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