i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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