i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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