I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
