Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
