he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
