I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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