Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
